Friday, May 11, 2012

Forgive and Forget?

I was recently graciously invited to join a blog roll about clergy abuse (http://childsexualabusesurvivor.com/) which has mostly Catholic victims posting.  The Catholic church has been actively turning a blind eye to accusations of sexual abuse by priests for decades.  The most common response had been to move the priest to another parish where, of course, they continued their practices.  Have things changed now that more and more victims are coming forward?  It depends on whom you ask.  Victims can speak out, and some get financial compensation, but there is little comfort for them.  Legal battles rage while the scope of the problem and the search for solutions continues to be minimized.

My abuser was a Protestant minister.  He "repented," and my parents chose to "forgive" him.  Doesn't the Bible say to "love your enemies" and  to "forgive and you will be forgiven?  I watched him groom his next victim.  There were many victims before and after me and he was never reported or prosecuted.  Perhaps our side of the Christian church prefers to save face, deny and forgive on the local and family level instead of involving the church leadership.   Either way, the result is the same.  The abusers continue while the children silently watch them get away with it.

What would you do?  What would your church do?  Would you send a priest or a pastor to jail?  Would you report your father, uncle, neighbor, or teacher?  Would you seek the truth and take the risk of bringing shame to your family or friends?  Of course, there are lots of variables when child sexual abuse is alledged, but in all cases, the truth must be sought, the abuser must be held accountable, and the child must be protected. 

I'm not a very brave person.  It would be VERY difficult for me to do these things.  Even as an adult, I never sought my abuser or tried to alert the authorities. Some of us are trying to bring child sexual abuse into the public conversation so that abusers are robbed of their secrecy, but we must also take action when abuse is discovered.  Why?  Because the children cannot, and because the abusers will not stop or get help unless someone speaks up.