How Does it Feel?

So, what does it feel like to be a person with childhood sexual abuse in their resume?  I have some experience with the subject.  I was used by a real, live pedophile for several years, I suffered incest at the hands of my father, and I even bore my dad's baby.  So I've got creds.   Let me tell you how it feels to me right now.

After 50 years of "life after abuse" and 5 years of therapy, I'm  doing quite well.  I'm feeling optimistic about my future, I have an honest and open relationship with my husband, and I don't struggle with anger, fear, or loneliness like I have in the past.  I haven't quite gotten a handle on the whole "food for comfort" thing, I remain a little secretive and isolated, and I still minimize praise and maximize criticism that I receive.  I can be clever, energetic, a problem solver, and a generous, non-judgemental listener.  I can also be remote, self involved, and overly concerned with other people's perceptions of me.  My boundaries are better, but I still tend to be either too open about my feelings or too guarded and superficial.

It's my understanding that all of these responses are typical of people who were unfortunate enough to have been inducted into the Childhood Sexual Abuse Club. Check out the TAALK website.  It has great information about how this thing effects folks.  It can help you understand.  It can help you know you're not alone.

Why MEEE??

Since this is the first post on my first ever blog, I'll start by explaining how I came upon the name MEEE.

During one of my not so uncommon 4:00 am musings,  I was thinking about the things I should incorporate into my life every day in order to feel strong, focused, and confident.  What are the basics that I need for a strong body, a clear mind, and good interpersonal relationships? 

I came up with the acronym MEEE, which stands for Meditation, Exercise, Eating well, and Engagement.  Meditation provides a centering, a stopping of the cacophony of the outside world as well as the inner chatter.  Exercise boosts my confidence, strengthens my body, and keeps depression at bay.  Eating Well makes me feel better physically, helps my immune system, and gives me a sense of control. And, Engagement calls me to interact with others and with my surroundings, drawing me out of my internal world.

That MEEE looks like a very dramatic form of the first person singular (me) is not a coincidence.  It helps me to remember to honor, value, and care for myself throughout the day. 

And, how am I doing at implementing this clever little plan of mine?  Well, like all good plans, it works just as well as I work it!