A REALLY BIG SECRET!!!

I've read that you must post to your blog often or folks will get bored and wander off.  Wouldn't want that to happen!  Sooooo, I'll share with you the current theme at my house and in my head this week.

I talk about secrets because I learned what a burden they can be and how wonderful it is to be free of them.  There is, however, a gigantic secret held by healing survivors that none of us wants to talk about.  Here it is -- because of the trauma and the breach of trust, we have spent our lives pretending to be normal, trying to live like everyone else, to be productive, creative, caring, and responsible.  But, we just can't do it!  We have issues with food, drugs, depression, self esteem, intimacy, boundaries, and trust, and they have affected our choices and made us significantly different than what we could have been. 

Here's where the secret comes in.  When people hear someone say, "I can't..., I'm limited..., I'll never...,  it makes them uncomfortable and they want to shout, "Yes, you can!!"  Survivors feel exactly the same way.  We don't want to admit that we're broken, impaired, or limited.  We're ashamed of what we haven't accomplished, the potential we did not live up to.  We don't want to admit it, we don't want to hear it from our fellow survivors, and we're pretty sure that you don't want to hear it either...so we keep silent....again. 

Of course, there really are things that we will never be able to do as others can.  I, for example, will never fully trust an authority figure.  I will have trouble with intimacy.  I will feel threatened by anyone who tries to persuade me in any way.   We all in this life must struggle to maintain that delicate balance between accepting our limitations and striving to be our best.  It's my goal to live my life as honestly and as courageously as I can.  That's what I'd call a successful and victorious life!

COURAGE - mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty (Courage implies firmness of mind and will in the face of danger or extreme difficulty)

VICTORY - achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties.

Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary
Mirriam Webster, 1983

Early Therapy Drawings

When I was seeing my first therapist many years ago, she encouraged me to draw at home and bring the pictures to her.  She said, "Just doodle.  Draw anything that comes to mind."  So I did.

The pictures I drew were full of unsettling images, some of various body parts, which I won't share with you! (actually, I think I finally threw away the body part ones  :-).   They were also filled with images of sadness, loneliness, anger, and isolation.  You can see some of them here.

The pictures I drew showed how I was feeling, and they helped me get in touch with how I saw myself.  These were helpful pictures, but they weren't really healing pictures.  I think that most people dealing with a traumatic past will go through this phase of discovery and expression. 

Drawing My Story many years later was quite a different experience.  As I was drawing each panel, I thought about what I had felt, seen, said, and thought.  I was driven to tell it all, show it all, eyes wide open, as honestly as I could.  This was possible in part because I had a good doctor who had earned my trust.  But I think we were both surprised by the outcome.  

Check out this lady who expresses herself beautifully with poetry.

http://www.youtube.com/user/reVerse2bfree/videos